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Ten Christmas Mysteries Unsolved
The origins of most Christmas traditions can be easily researched on the computer. Some are quite interesting and the variations of traditions in different countries and cultures are fascinating as well.
But what about those confusing lyrics of Christmas songs?
Have you ever listened to a song and wondered, exactly what they were thinking?
Here are ten questions that came up as I was listening over the past week.
- Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree…. Seriously? Does anyone do this? I don’t even own a rocker. Am I missing out?
- Can someone tell my why Julie Andrews ate a big bowls of prunes (instead of a spoonful of sugar) before recording Silent Night? Was all that puckering really necessary? AND– with all those verses–exactly how silent could it really have been?
- Why was only one whore soaping the sleigh? Wouldn’t it have gotten done faster if they all pitched in? Is this like a sleigh (car) wash or something? Is it a euphemism? And how did she jingle bells with a sponge and a hose in her hands? Jingle pasties?
- What if Santa Claus doesn’t get your letter? AND- you were good… really good. Does that give you an excuse to turn bad?
- Was the guy that wrote The First Noel, kind of like the Sheldon of the 18th century? (knocking– “Noel, Noel, Noel Noel…Noel, Noel Noel…”) And how was he so sure there weren’t other Noel’s he just hadn’t met?
- Why wasn’t Susie Snowflake arrested for stalking? Obviously, she was a white girl. #blacklivesmatter Too soon? Why did she tap on the window instead of sending a text?
- Did anyone ever think that just maybe Santa was feeding Rudolph GMO feed and that’s why his nose glowed?
- Exactly how much Rum-pum-pum-pum did Bing Crosby and David Bowie consume when recording The Little Drummer Boy?
- Does Adeste Fideles have the same side effects as Cialis?
- After the 12 Days of Christmas— Did My True Love ask for half back in the divorce settlement?
Let It Go is NOT a Christmas song! So, please– Let. It. Go.
Now you know why I don’t do comedy.
Christmas Gift Idea: Things Every House Should Have
Holiday gift buying gets more and more difficult each year. I HATE gift cards. Even though some people may love getting them– they just seem so impersonal. I don’t like to spend a lot on potentially unwanted tchotchkes either.
What is the point of exchanging gift cards? I give you a $20 gift card and you give me one back. Okay. What was accomplished? Why not just pass the $20 bill back and forth and call it a day? Giving a gift card to someone is not the same as exchanging gift cards. Understand?
Gift cards or E-certificates are great to send to people miles away; or a last minute gift. I’m just not a fan of them when their are other alternatives.
So what do you get the person that is impossible to buy for?
While I was decorating this weekend, it struck me– how many little things I kept needing that you normally might not think about. It’s great if you already have them and extremely annoying if you don’t.
That gave me the idea for a perfect, inexpensive Christmas gift that everyone can use: Things That Every House Should Have. This is a gift you could put together for any occasion! It’s a gift that will last throughout the year.
Now this isn’t an emergency kit (which could also be a possible gift solution) and it’s also not a crafter’s kit (another good one). How about a collection of simple items that everyone needs and you could use everyday?
If you make up several of these gifts, you can buy multi-packs of items and break them up.
Here are some suggestions you might want to include:
- Transparent tape ( I prefer invisible archive- safe tape)
- Electrical tape (available in many colors)
- Wire (I like Ook 18mm gauge- there’s a wire cutter on the package!)
- Twist ties
- Utility knife,
- Sharpie or permanent marker
- Small screwdriver
- Thumb tacks and/or nails
- Plastic cable ties (come in many colors)
- Safety pins,
- Sponge (I like Scotch Brite)
- Microfiber cloth
- Thick rubber bands…
- Batteries (AA are the most common and I’d recommend including four, if any)
- Spool of ribbon or string
- Duct or masking tape (both do leave a residue)
- Felt pads (for the bottoms of furniture or bottoms of deco items that can scratch surfaces)
- Needle and thread
- Goof Off: Heavy Duty Spot Remover and Degreaser (can clean most anything)
- Dawn Dish-Washing Liquid (best eco-safe, grease remover)
- Wet Wipes
- Lens wipes (good for any glass, computer & phone screen, etc.)
- Aspirin… the list could go on and on.
I don’t recommend those little picture hanging kits– they are usually cheaply made and hard to work with; nails are too tiny and bend, usually not enough wire to be useful.
I’m also not a fan of those adhesive “easy release” hooks and hangers. I’ve tried them and they don’t usually hold the claimed weight (if they stick at all), can be affected by temperature, and do often leave marks.
Use your imagination.
Whether you fill a stocking, a gift bag, a box or a tool kit– this is a gift that: shows some thought, gives you some room for a little creativity; and is something that everyone can use for months to come.
You might want to include a poem or a “thinking of you every day”- type note to personalize it.
This little kit could also make a great birthday, anniversary, graduation, open house, or friendship gift.
AND — you can always add that gift card. If you really must.