Home » Humor

Category Archives: Humor

When I Was A Kid…

With my sister in 1967.

With my sister in 1967.

I spent most of my childhood, growing up in a small town in Florida.

When I was a kid…

  • We played outside.
  • We played outside without our parents having to watch us.
  • We played Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers or War. (and never really thought about actually owning a gun!)
  • We dug in the dirt.
  • We made forts and hideouts on empty lots with brush and debris.
  • We rode bicycles for hours. (Without helmets.)
  • We sometimes built a fire and slept in a tent in the backyard.
  • We were often barefoot.
  • For special entertainment, we played outside at our cousins’ houses.

When I was a kid…

  • We had daily chores like dusting and washing dishes.
  • We read books. My sister and I checking out 20 books at a time from the library.
  • We learned how to grow vegetables in a garden.
  • We saved our allowance all year so we could buy Christmas presents for our family.
  • If we wanted candy or ice cream, we picked up pop bottles and cashed them in for their deposit at the nearby convenience store.
  • We did our homework without being told. (And it actually affected our grades.)

When I was a kid…

  • If we had fast food it was a special occasion. A sit down restaurant was an event.
  • We watched television less than 3 hours a day.
  • When we wanted to look something up, we used the encyclopedia.
  • Telephones had cords and were only used for important (short) conversations.
  • We wrote letters and mailed cards for birthdays and holidays.
  • Dessert was a rare treat not a daily source of nutrition.
  • We drank water from the tap (or even from the hose). We had pop/soda no more than once a week.
  • Other than going to the grocery, shopping was only something you did for school clothes and at Christmas.
  • If there was something you really wanted, it didn’t magically show up at the end of the day. If you were lucky in might show up under the Christmas tree.
  • We didn’t hang out at the mall or see all the current movies. (I can count the movies I saw growing up on my fingers.)
  • We learned to draw, write, and made and built things with our hands.
  • We knew how to use our imaginations.

When I was a kid…

  • We didn’t have computers, or Internet, or Smart Phones or cable TV.
  • If we wanted to communicate, we opened our mouths.
  • Safety was something you did, not a government mandate.
  • Teachers weren’t babysitters, they were actually allowed to teach class.
  • We didn’t always lock our doors.
  • Black Friday didn’t start in July.

When I was a kid…

  • We loved our country and believed in the American Dream.
  • Politicians were intelligent and respected– they were our heroes.
  • Congress did something.
  • We weren’t afraid of Police. They were there to help us.
  • Guns were only used by soldiers, police and hunters.
  • Most families we knew only had one working parent, with one job and they were able to live comfortably.
  • We were taught honesty and hard work were the keys to success.
  • We thought people were just people regardless of color, class or religion.
  • You could believe what you heard on the news.
  • Everyone wasn’t out to get you.

Then we grew up…

And everything changed.

 

 

Ten Christmas Mysteries Unsolved

christmas-card-20061The origins of most Christmas traditions can be easily researched on the computer. Some are quite interesting and the variations of traditions in different countries and cultures are fascinating as well.

But what about those confusing lyrics of Christmas songs?

Have you ever listened to a song and wondered, exactly what they were thinking?

Here are ten questions that came up as I was listening over the past week.

  1. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree…. Seriously? Does anyone do this? I don’t even own a rocker. Am I missing out?
  2. Can someone tell my why Julie Andrews ate a big bowls of prunes (instead of a spoonful of sugar) before recording Silent Night? Was all that puckering really necessary? AND– with all those verses–exactly how silent could it really have been?
  3. Why was only one whore soaping the sleigh? Wouldn’t it have gotten done faster if they all pitched in? Is this like a sleigh (car) wash or something? Is it a euphemism? And how did she jingle bells with a sponge and a hose in her hands? Jingle pasties?
  4. What if Santa Claus doesn’t get your letter? AND- you were good… really good. Does that give you an excuse to turn bad?
  5. Was the guy that wrote The First Noel, kind of like the Sheldon of the 18th century? (knocking– “Noel, Noel, Noel Noel…Noel, Noel Noel…”) And how was he so sure there weren’t other Noel’s he just hadn’t met?
  6. Why wasn’t Susie Snowflake arrested for stalking? Obviously, she was a white girl. #blacklivesmatterĀ  Too soon? Why did she tap on the window instead of sending a text?
  7. Did anyone ever think that just maybe Santa was feeding Rudolph GMO feed and that’s why his nose glowed?
  8. Exactly how much Rum-pum-pum-pum did Bing Crosby and David Bowie consume when recording The Little Drummer Boy?
  9. Does Adeste Fideles have the same side effects as Cialis?
  10. After the 12 Days of Christmas— Did My True Love ask for half back in the divorce settlement?

article-1339003-0C7F91BF000005DC-165_468x309And finally… a comment:

Let It Go is NOT a Christmas song! So, please– Let. It. Go.

 

Now you know why I don’t do comedy.