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Love Is Love
My profile picture with the FB celebratepride filter.
I have to say I didn’t get too emotional yesterday with the announcement of the Supreme Court’s decision in support of gay marriage. Maybe because I knew it was still only a small step– a very historic step— but still just a small step towards acceptance and equality in the United States. Perhaps it’s because I’m a little numb from a lifetime of exposure to hate and bigotry. When I was in my late teens and early 20’s, I never thought I’d see this day.
The court’s decision isn’t going to instantly change people’s opinions. Only time will accomplish that.
But then this morning, as I scrolled through my Facebook Newsfeed, something happened. Not only were there a myriad of posts celebrating the landmark decision– friend after friend had also changed their profile pictures, using the celebratepride filter, overlaying the rainbow pride flag over their image. I found myself incredibly moved.
It suddenly became real to me.
Love equals Love. Equality gives way to the very Freedoms we are supposedly all guaranteed in the Constitution. Maybe there is Hope. Maybe Amerika can become America again– or maybe even, for the first time.
Every step we take in this country to remove Hate, opens the door to love and acceptance.
Gay marriage can now just be called marriage. Eventually, Gay pride may become an unnecessary celebration and can give way to American pride. It’s all about Equality. Each and everyone of us equal.
Some of the love being shared on Facebook.
I think it’s important to be consciously aware that the Supreme Court’s decision was not a strike against Christianity. Many people are choosing to take it that way; and I find it extremely sad and nearly pathetic. The fight was never about changing anyone’s religious beliefs; it was the always about equal rights under the law. In ancient times, marriage may have only been strictly viewed as a religious contract– not anymore. There are too many rights under the law regarding married people to maintain that defense.
Love is Love. It transcends gender and race. It is more powerful than contracts, vows or religion.
All we need is time.
Is ‘Black Lives Matter’ Hurting More Than Helping?
It’s trending and blowing up on Twitter and Facebook– #BlackLivesMatter. I get it. I understand the intent. Is it really helping though?
I personally find it a little offense and I need to explain.
Don’t #AllLivesMatter?
Here’s the thing: Singling out a particular race, as a call to action; in an effort to end racism, protest inequality and police brutality– Isn’t it just broadening or solidifying the divide instead uniting us?
I can completely identify with the expressions of sorrow, anger, and disappointment. Then when I see the hashtag– I feel like I’m being alienated. I understand this is intended to draw attention to one issue but I still feel it creates an us against them mentality.
We need unification in this country, not a divide. We’re already divided. People pick sides. We need to come together in order to make real progress.
Throughout my life, when discussing the race issue, I’ve been told, “you don’t understand– you can’t understand”…. but I do understand. As a gay man I’ve experienced many of the same issues. If I say that, then the response is usually, “but people don’t immediately judge you because of the color of your skin.” This is true. Still, I’ve experienced hate. I’ve experienced prejudice. I’ve been angry and afraid. Not the exactly the same, maybe, but at the gut level, it is.
When you say “you don’t understand” to anyone, regardless of the issue– you alienate them. How does this help the cause?
If you say #BlackLivesMatter is to draw attention, show anger or disapproval– then I’d say the campaign is successful. If you tell me #BlackLivesMatter is to bring about change, then I’d suggest there might be a better way.
Yes, Black Lives Matter. Gay Lives Matter. So do Hispanic, White, Poor, Rich, Disabled…. need I go on?
Unifica
tion.
Attack the problem.
Prejudice, Stereotypes, Assumptions, Racism, Sexism, Unlawful Judgement, Inequality, Police Brutality of any kind… those are the problems.
Preaching to the choir is pretty pointless.
If #BlackLivesMatter is building solidarity that’s great– but why not include everyone?
Make a difference. Talk about it. Unify everyone.
#AllLivesMatter.
An Open Letter To My Biological Family
Dear Family,
First let me say, I love you – unconditionally — more than you’ll ever know. We have our own unique history and are forever bound together by the miracle of life. We are all alike and at the same time, quite different in many ways.
I unfriended you all on Facebook for one simple reason: I didn’t like seeing some of the posts you made that I found false, hurtful and unfeeling. I’m not saying you had any intention for that to happen — but it has, repeatedly, especially over the past three months.
We can still view each other’s pages—I did not block you – but I now feel freer to post my thoughts and opinions and you can do the same. If I choose to view your page, it will be a risk I’ll take but I promise I won’t comment on it. I unfriended the kids as well, not that we communicate that often—but out of respect for you as parents and any concerns you might have that I am too controversial or influential.
I have never suggested that you not share your feelings or beliefs—even if they hurt me deeply. I have tried to get you to understand, to verify, and to support (through sources and links) any of your stated ‘facts’ that I have questioned. Instead of defending your comments, you’ve chosen to ignore or delete mine—completely invalidating my concerns.
I’m sorry if I embarrass you—and I only say that because Dad told me in an email recently, that I was “too gay” – I believe intending to mean that he thought I was too publicly open about it.
I cannot help who I am. I know you can’t fully believe that because you think that God would ‘change’ me if I let him, or at the very least, I should abstain from any semblance of what, for me, is a normal life. I tried that. I hated myself for years because I wasn’t what I was taught God wanted or what you wanted me to be.
For nearly half my life, I lived in a hell on earth trying to be different. I stopped and won’t do it anymore. I am a proud, happy, gay man. The only two things that make us different are that I don’t have children and I share my life with another man—who has loved me unconditionally for over 19 years. (Yes, I know I’m a handful!)
You’ve accused me of being completely blinded by ‘the Obama agenda’ and think that is why I have been upset with all of you. You’ve also accused me of smearing the family name because I have spoken out against what I see as hateful talk. I have been upset because you say you accept me, then vote for a man and a political agenda that will do anything to make sure that I am nothing more than a second-class citizen and not afforded the same rights as you. I don’t want special rights — just equal rights.
Actions speak louder than words. You have publicly posted and declared your support for businesses and political candidates that oppose my civil rights. I realize there is more to your decisions and probably little has anything to do with human rights issues. When your posts have offended me, I have tried to open up a dialogue with limited success. I hear your words to me personally… but your actions speak differently.
Why is this so important to me? You brought me up to believe in unconditional love. Doesn’t that also mean you would want to support my equality? This goes beyond me personally—when as many as 1 in 3 LGBT youth attempt suicide and many bullied youth take their own lives as well. The message of love and acceptance couldn’t be more important today. These are young lives that I would think as Christians, you would want to save. Ignoring it, or voting against it, doesn’t make it go away.
I turn 50 next month — maybe that’s why I feel the need to speak out now. Maybe it’s time to communicate after nearly 30 years of silence on the subject. Or, maybe it’s just the right thing to do.
I just ask that you look in your hearts, find the compassion you profess and share that love with others, as you brought me up to believe was right.
I love you,
Jeff
PS– I am posting this publicly, not to embarrass you– but in hopes that it might help someone else going through the same experiences.
Political Rant: UNITED States of America?
The biggest thing that I have realized from the Republican and Democratic conventions is that the United States is anything but united. Whether the differences are separated by borders or by party and ideology– the leaders, or people that hope to lead our country are ignoring the basic fundamental rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness. Liberty and justice for all does not exist.
Why are the parties in our country constantly fighting the same battles over and over again? How hard is it to see that All Men Are Created Equal, means equal rights for all people– regardless of skin color… male, female… old, young… straight, gay… rich, poor… Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Muslim…EQUAL. I am entitled to no more rights than you– and you have no more rights than me. EQUAL.
Do I really need to remind anyone that it wasn’t that many years ago that in some states it was illegal for Caucasians and African Americans to marry? Now the issue is gay marriage. What’s the big deal? The deal is that marriage, which was once strictly a religious commitment, has been made a legally binding contract with rights and privileges. Eliminate the legal benefits of marriage and the problem is solved. No one is asking for a church to be forced into marrying a couple whose union does not agree with that church’s beliefs.
A side note: I actually heard a TV preacher back-tracking on the issue of interracial marriage last week, claiming the church was never against it in theory— but that in biblical times, it was forbidden solely to protect Jesus’ bloodline from being polluted!
Too many Americans feel they are uniquely entitled to something… marriage benefits, welfare, tax breaks, special privileges, wealth… Entitlement does not spell Equality. It amazes me that there are people that actually believe the upper class are wealthy people because they work harder than the middle and lower class. Unfortunately, our country is unfairly dominated by the upper class.
We live in a country where people will sue for anything because they are entitled. Who wins? The person who can pay the best lawyer. Money talks. How is that fair and equal?
I don’t think it’s right to penalize someone for being rich but they should have to pay their fair share of taxes, as should the poor. Wealth people can spend their money any way they like… if they choose to give back to their community– even better. They don’t need to be rewarded for it. Poor people can spend their money how they want as well– but shouldn’t expect handouts if they choice to use their resources foolishly and live beyond their means. The existing class structure is killing our country and entitlement is at fault.
I took a political quiz yesterday that suggested my political leanings ranked in the following order: Democrat, Green, Libertarian, and finally, Republican (a distant 20% from the other three parties; Democrat, ranking 89%.) Does this mean that I hate, or am against anyone that is Republican? Absolutely not. But, as an educated and fairly knowledgeable person, I just can’t understand, or agree with the philosophies and platform of the Republican party. What’s worse, I can’t understand why Republicans can’t verbalize the grounds of their beliefs or justify their actions.
I grew up in a Republican household. In my first election, I voted a straight Republican ticket, but it was because I was uninformed. I simply tied ‘Republicans’ with religion and what was right and ‘Democrats’ with sin and all that was wrong with the country. Ignorant, huh? I didn’t know any better. I wasn’t mature enough to think for myself and let others tell me what was right and wrong.
The Republicans constantly babble on and on about smaller government, yet their beliefs and ideals force the need for more laws and bigger government to protect and provide for those that are victimized for not holding the same beliefs and ideologies. In addition, at least the past three Republican administrations have grown bigger government, increased the national debit and added many jobs to the public sector but not the private sector as they claim is their goal.
What has happened to the separation of Church and State? The Republicans have made a big deal over the fact that the Democratic platform didn’t initially mention God. It’s my belief that politics and religion shouldn’t mix. Religious freedoms are protected by our Constitution and that should be enough. The insinuation that the Democratic party, as a whole, is against religious freedom is ridiculous. It just shouldn’t play a role in politics.
The Republicans claim their biggest concern is the nation’s economy, yet from past examples and current lack of a communicated plan, they are only concerned with their own assumed wealth and prosperity. Which is also amusing, considering that many people that side with the Republican party are not wealthy– but continue to support people who are only concerned with making the rich, richer and which does nothing to improve their own quality of life. As former President Clinton pointed out in his speech to the DNC last night, with what little is known about the Republican economic plan– do the arithmetic and the numbers don’t add up.
I don’t want anyone to think that I drank the Kool-Aid and believe the Democrats are perfect– far from it. I do believe that most of what they strive to achieve is to build a better, stronger and unified America. Our country has to work together for the good of all people.
It should be the goal of all good Americans to contribute to their communities in the best way they can. Some people are wealthier, some are better educated, some are more creative and some are better organizers. If we all worked together and shared our collective strengths– think of what an amazing country this would be!
In this election year, I encourage everyone to do their own research, make their own decisions and stop taking people’s word for granted on the important issues. Look at the facts and do the math. You might be surprised at the solution to the equation.
How Do You Measure 525600 Minutes? 