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My First Annual Turkey Awards
I’m proud to present my 1st Annual Turkey Awards. (No offense to turkeys intended.) I noticed some other people were doing this, so I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon.
You know the people we’re talking about, right? The ones that say and do stupid things. They make bad and irresponsible decisions, violating the trust of the community. And yes, I included businesses and groups because as we learned during the election (and apparently the Supreme Court agrees): Corporations are people.
Most of these are off the top of my head but I’m sure you can think of plenty of your own ‘turkeys‘ from the past year. (My list is in no particular order.)
John McCain for being the angriest, nastiest, most vindictive and dishonest man in politics this year.
The Entire Cable and Network News Media for disregarding unbiased reporting in favor of fear-based pandering.
Congress for not putting the best interest of the American people above their own special interests.
School District U-46 for putting cash over class. U-46 accepted a cash donation from a religious organization in exchange for priority use of the school district’s facilities. In one instance, giving them what they wanted pushed the BHS Fall Play out of its normal scheduled spot and shoved it in to the weekend before Thanksgiving. (There was more than a 50% drop in attendance with no classes the following week.) Contradicting it’s own written policies in the matter, U-46 put an outside group, not even based within the District’s boundaries, ahead of school programing.
All 2012 Political Campaigns for spending more than (an estimated) three billion dollars this campaign cycle. Imagine what could be done with that money to help our current economic situation and those in need.
The Obamacare Haters. Top Gobble Gobbles to John Schnatter, founder and CEO of Papa John’s; Denny’s franchise owner John Metz; and Apple-Metro CEO Zane Tankel for public threats made in response to the Affordable Healthcare Act. Threatening to add surcharges, cut hours and lay-off employees is not the way to build public confidence with consumers or employees. (Especially if you pay most of your employees minimum wage and no benefits, while you live in a 4o,ooo sq. ft. castle estate.)
Black Friday/Black Thursday Businesses for forcing employees to work on the Thanksgiving holiday, taking them away from their families in the name of profit margin. I, for one, am boycotting any business opening before midnight tonight, for the entire holiday season.
Celebrities Behaving Badly. Take your pick. I think any person that enters the public arena has a responsibility to be a role model to others, particularly our youth. Unfortunately, instead of being chastised and sent off into oblivion, they are given even more publicity and air time.
So that’s my list for this year. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with family and friends. To all those that have to work, I salute you! Best Wishes!
We’re Expecting!
We’re expecting! I can’t hold back the exciting news any longer. Do you know how long we’ve been waiting for this? I can’t think of a greater gift the day before Thanksgiving… so much to be thankful for! Not only are we expecting but if all goes according to plan, the delivery is supposed to take place this morning! I’m actually carrying my cellphone with me throughout the house as I finish getting things in order so I don’t miss any updates.
I had my camera out, checking to make sure my battery was charged and ready so I can take pictures of the delivery. Michael asked what I was doing and acted a little disgusted that I wanted to record the event for posterity. “Does anyone really want to see pictures of that?”
Since we only found out, for sure, last week — I’ve been rushing around trying to finish decorating the room and getting everything in order. It’s a little nerve-racking when you haven’t done this before. A few last minute additions and now the waiting begins. I hope it doesn’t take long but you never can predict these things. Hopefully there won’t be any complications with the delivery.
I know this will seem sudden to many of our friends but this has been in the works for years. Now, the time is right and we’re definitely not getting any younger.
Michael and I started discussing this early in our relationship and looked in to the possibility. After weighing the time and expense we put our plans on hold until we were more financially secure and settled down. Besides, when we first started looking, we found it would be fairly easy to find a black or brown one but we had our hearts set on a white one, which are much harder to come by. I know that doesn’t sound very PC but it’s our live-long commitment and what felt right for us.
It’s been a long process and I can hardly believe the day is finally here! I couldn’t sleep last night I was so excited.
So if you’re reading this in the morning, think of us and pray all goes well. If it goes according to plan, the delivery should take place before noon. I’ll post an update later as well. In the meantime, I’ll just be a nervous wreck.
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I can’t wait for the arrival of our White Baby Grand Piano!
An Open Letter To My Biological Family
Dear Family,
First let me say, I love you – unconditionally — more than you’ll ever know. We have our own unique history and are forever bound together by the miracle of life. We are all alike and at the same time, quite different in many ways.
I unfriended you all on Facebook for one simple reason: I didn’t like seeing some of the posts you made that I found false, hurtful and unfeeling. I’m not saying you had any intention for that to happen — but it has, repeatedly, especially over the past three months.
We can still view each other’s pages—I did not block you – but I now feel freer to post my thoughts and opinions and you can do the same. If I choose to view your page, it will be a risk I’ll take but I promise I won’t comment on it. I unfriended the kids as well, not that we communicate that often—but out of respect for you as parents and any concerns you might have that I am too controversial or influential.
I have never suggested that you not share your feelings or beliefs—even if they hurt me deeply. I have tried to get you to understand, to verify, and to support (through sources and links) any of your stated ‘facts’ that I have questioned. Instead of defending your comments, you’ve chosen to ignore or delete mine—completely invalidating my concerns.
I’m sorry if I embarrass you—and I only say that because Dad told me in an email recently, that I was “too gay” – I believe intending to mean that he thought I was too publicly open about it.
I cannot help who I am. I know you can’t fully believe that because you think that God would ‘change’ me if I let him, or at the very least, I should abstain from any semblance of what, for me, is a normal life. I tried that. I hated myself for years because I wasn’t what I was taught God wanted or what you wanted me to be.
For nearly half my life, I lived in a hell on earth trying to be different. I stopped and won’t do it anymore. I am a proud, happy, gay man. The only two things that make us different are that I don’t have children and I share my life with another man—who has loved me unconditionally for over 19 years. (Yes, I know I’m a handful!)
You’ve accused me of being completely blinded by ‘the Obama agenda’ and think that is why I have been upset with all of you. You’ve also accused me of smearing the family name because I have spoken out against what I see as hateful talk. I have been upset because you say you accept me, then vote for a man and a political agenda that will do anything to make sure that I am nothing more than a second-class citizen and not afforded the same rights as you. I don’t want special rights — just equal rights.
Actions speak louder than words. You have publicly posted and declared your support for businesses and political candidates that oppose my civil rights. I realize there is more to your decisions and probably little has anything to do with human rights issues. When your posts have offended me, I have tried to open up a dialogue with limited success. I hear your words to me personally… but your actions speak differently.
Why is this so important to me? You brought me up to believe in unconditional love. Doesn’t that also mean you would want to support my equality? This goes beyond me personally—when as many as 1 in 3 LGBT youth attempt suicide and many bullied youth take their own lives as well. The message of love and acceptance couldn’t be more important today. These are young lives that I would think as Christians, you would want to save. Ignoring it, or voting against it, doesn’t make it go away.
I turn 50 next month — maybe that’s why I feel the need to speak out now. Maybe it’s time to communicate after nearly 30 years of silence on the subject. Or, maybe it’s just the right thing to do.
I just ask that you look in your hearts, find the compassion you profess and share that love with others, as you brought me up to believe was right.
I love you,
Jeff
PS– I am posting this publicly, not to embarrass you– but in hopes that it might help someone else going through the same experiences.
Christians: Do You Remember How To Love?
This blog was extremely difficult to write. In a way, it is my response to the recent polarizing Chick-Fil-A controversy and heated religious debate over the 2012 presidential election. My intent in writing this was not meant to be accusatory but instead, a challenge to those that read it. –JL
I have only one question for all the self-identified Christians of the world: “Do you remember how to love?”
I was raised on the Christian faith. For most of my first 18 years, if the church doors were open– my family was there. Yet, I was taught to believe interracial dating and marriage were wrong, homosexuality was wrong (it goes without saying that gay marriage was an abomination) and that basically, all other religions and even Christian denominations outside our own — were misguided and most likely would not reach the kingdom of heaven. I was taught Catholics were not true Christians and that the Baptist belief, once saved always saved was a fallacy.
In my late teens, I decided I wanted to change churches and go to my cousins’ church which was charismatic. My Dad was so angered by this decision, he told me I would have to move out if that’s what I chose. So I did. After some thought, he quickly reconsidered and came to the conclusion that as long as I was going to church… it was better than me not going at all and I was allowed to move back in.
Now at the age of 49, I am coming out as Agnostic. I’m not sure what to believe.
From my earliest childhood memories, I was taught to ‘Love one another‘. The Bible verse, one of many that repeat this phrase, comes from John 13:34:
“I am giving you a new commandment to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.” (International Standard Version)
In preparing this blog post, the phrase ‘and the greatest of these is love‘ kept sticking in my head. So I had to look it up. The verse reads:
“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13, New Living Translation)
I was taught love the doer not the deed. Love the sinner not the sin. That’s Unconditional Love.
But where has it gone?
It is supposed to be the goal of all Christians to not only lead by example but also to witness and bring the hope of Christianity to the whole world. What I’ve seen in my lifetime, is the growing desire to create laws and alienate people that do not subscribe to the same belief system as those of the Christian faith. How is that demonstrating unconditional love? The gay rights movement is not about receiving special benefits above those of others. It is about seeking equality. Equality that is prevented by unnecessary laws created by Christian lawmakers in an effort to secure special rights for themselves and in effect, taking away the rights of others.
Marriage Equality is a legal issue, not a religious one. No one is trying to force churches to recognize, perform or accept marriage ceremonies in religious terms. Laws make marriage a legal contract and give many special benefits to married partners not available to unmarried couples. Tax breaks, issues over property ownership and healthcare are all brought into play. The Christian right campaigns and preaches against marriage equality because they believe it weakens the very definition of marriage and somehow impedes on their rights. It has become a hateful game of morality vs. legality… and exhibits anything but unconditional love.
This might be a good point to remind you that the origins of marriage were actually based on a man’s declaration of ownership of a woman. Marriage was not originally based on a religious contract with God.
The staggering divorce rate in our county is at 60% among those without an expressed religious affiliation but is still a huge 38% among those identified as practicing Christians. Maybe Christians could focus more on counseling and nurturing couples through those difficult times, sharing love and support with those that need guidance, instead of blocking loving partners from legally committing to one another.
The alienation that Christians are creating in the name of protecting their religious beliefs is having a devastating effect on the moral and religious fiber that was once tightly woven into our society. People are being driven away. Hate and fear is replacing love.
Religious Differences. The Religious Right has continued to accuse our President of being Muslim despite his identification as a Christian believer. They see that as a threat and fear that any religion unlike theirs, challenges their existence. Our country protects all religions and provides for their freedom to worship. The Christian proclamation that theirs is the only true religion is yet another example of hate and divisiveness in our country. More than ever, we need unity, compassion and acceptance.
Fear-Based Christianity has replaced the Christianity based on love and the teachings of Jesus Christ.
So where is the love? The saying goes, You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. In that case, why are so many Christians so bitter? If only Christians could return to the basic concept of loving their neighbor instead of fearing them, there might actually be a chance of a Christian resurgence in America.
All you need is love.
DELETE ME… Please!
In case some people didn’t get the memo… Facebook is a social networking site. It is a place where people can choose their friends based on shared interests, backgrounds and real life relationships. A social networking site allows users to share interests, ideas, events and yes, even what they ate for dinner. You can join groups, follow artists and businesses and make connections in ways that would otherwise be nearly impossible for most people. It is not a site for censorship. It is a site for shared experiences.
FRIEND as defined by Merriam-Webster
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem
b : acquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile
b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion
The other day a friend bitched at me about one of my posts on Facebook.
Seriously? Do you really think your 500 ‘cute kitty’ posts don’t annoy anyone?
Honestly, I don’t really care. It is what it is. You can post whatever you what, whenever you want… and you can post it as many times as you want. It doesn’t affect me. I can choose to read it, ‘hide’ it, ‘LIKE’ it and if I really agree or disagree with you– I can comment on it and we might actually have a social engagement, once referred to as a conversation about it. But– I’m not going to try and censor you and you shouldn’t try and censor me. Our society has an increasing difficulty communicating these days. If you don’t want to engage your friends is conversation, sharing your thoughts and ideas, or to be engaged– why are you on Facebook?
The last time I checked, we still have freedom of speech in this country. People are going to talk about current events, politics, things that make them laugh and things that make them sad. If you are going to use social networking sites: Deal with it! Yes, during the presidential debates, Hurricane Sandy, the playoffs… the News Feed is going to be clogged with posts by people who are engaged by these activities and events. There’s a reason there are settings and controls that allow you to adjust what and how you view content. If you continually get annoyed and are not computer literate enough to know how to adjust your settings: Maybe social networking isn’t for you.
There’s another option. It’s called the DELETE button.
Don’t like what I have to say? Delete Me. Do I post too much? Delete Me. Are you incapable of entertaining a viewpoint that is different from your own or so intolerant that what I say makes your blood boil? Delete Me. Please.
If you only want to engage with people that look like you, sound like you, talk like you and think like you… You might want to invest in a cocoon. ‘Cause, baby– there ain’t no one else in the world like you. You are unique. We all are. Social networking gives us the opportunity to share our unique perspectives with people all around the world.
Think about it– it’s pretty amazing. What I’m talking about in Elgin, Illinois might actually have some relevance to someone in New York City, London or Zambia. You or I might actually have something to say that can impact someone’s life on the opposite side of the globe.
But not if you hit DELETE, and not if you live in a cocoon.
That’s just my opinion.
There’s No ‘I’ In Teamwork… Or Is There?
How many times have you heard the phrase, “There’s no ‘I’ in team“? The sentiment is certainly effective but is it, or should it be the case?
As one of those obsessive people that fully commits to a project, I’ve realized that I still have to set perimeters. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve felt used or taken advantage of in the end. I tend to give too much physically, emotionally and sometimes financially. At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, “Was it really worth it?”
The last thing you want to hear when you join a team or project is: “It’s only _____ (a game, a concert, a school dance)”… meaning that whatever it is, doesn’t require a strong commitment or dedicated effort. I have never understood why anyone would commit to do anything, if not to do it the best they can in that situation.
I’ve found students especially guilty of this, over committing themselves either to feel self important or out of the feeling of obligation. I still live by the adage, If it’s worth doing… it’s worth doing well (or right). Why commit to something you know you aren’t passionate about, or have no intentions of fully supporting?
This afternoon we will have our first production meeting for the 2013 Spring Musical at Bartlett High School. I’m excited to be stage directing for the second year in a row and extremely proud and honored to be a part of such and amazing, passionate team of professionals. It is bittersweet because this will be the last year we will be working together. This is the our fourteenth year together for three of us… the last year for my two partners in crime.
Over the years our team and program have grown and evolved. One original member retired several years ago and we gained a very talented younger member of our team four years ago. We’ve had our share of ups and downs, laughter and tears and beyond everything else, we’ve become a family. So, seeing them go on to new endeavors as the curtain falls on the final show this coming April will no doubt be an emotional time.
I could probably write a whole book about what I’ve learned and experienced through this collaborative experience but the most important thing I’ve learned, is this: Sometimes there must be an ‘I’ in team. I know this somewhat contradicts the very definition but when a team of individuals is strong and in tune with one another, it is possible to put yourself first, when you have to and still have all the pieces come together flawlessly.
Teamwork can take many forms. Individuals can have their own responsibilities that are pooled together in the end for the final result or it can be completely collaborative from the beginning. Usually, its a combination of the two. Teamwork doesn’t rely solely on the efforts of one individual but instead takes the combined knowledge and experience of all the members to successfully reach its goal. Two people can have two different visions going in to a project and together they can create a third new, entirely different one.
A solid team is built on trust and understanding. In the case of our musical team, we can usually predict how the others will react in a specific circumstance because we know each other so well. Sometimes we surprise each other but in most cases we know where our buttons and triggers are.
Here’s where the ‘I’ comes in. Sometimes you have to know when to step up or step back. You have to be able and willing to say, “I can’t…” or “I don’t have it to give…” and know that it will be okay. A good team is intuitive and can often anticipate when they may need to step up and help another team member succeed. You can’t forget that everyone has a life beyond whatever project it is you are trying to create. Sometimes your focus needs to be elsewhere… and a good team can compensate for that.
I think that one of the biggest issues in team building and probably the biggest struggle in establishing roles is trust. Young teams take time to build that trust and to understand everyone’s process. Without that knowledge, the ‘I’ can come across as selfish and uncaring, when in reality it’s nothing more than self preservation. You have to be empathic to everyone’s needs.
In the past few years, there have been more than one occasion when our team has needed to adjust our roles to help each other out. We have been able to do this successfully, not only because of the trust we’ve built but also the knowledge that we all give selflessly. Sometimes the person needing to say ‘I’, doesn’t. If you are intuitive enough, you may have to do it for them.
Of course, some people are just incapable of being part of a team because they are unwilling to try. In most cases though, with a little time and experience, people can learn to work together with great results. What everyone has to remember is that where there is negativity or resistance… there is a reason for it. It might not be obvious either. A good team will work through any issue and realize the importance of ‘I’ only makes them stronger as a whole.
Fifty Blog Posts: howdoyoumeasure525600minutes
My last blog post marked my 50th since I started blogging at the beginning of the year. My original daily blog goal was pretty unreasonable with my schedule… and frankly, do I really have that much to say that people want to read? Of course, I’m probably editing my ideas and thoughts much more drastically than I need to– but the last thing I want is to become one of those “This is what I ate for dinner…” bloggers. Oops! Too Late! (See last blog post.)
I started this blog because I do think I have a voice with some important things to say. I also wanted to write and give some insight on my life and my perspective. The biggest problem I face is publicly expressing my feelings on topics that either might offend others or possibly have a negative affect on someone or something. Some issues are easy to write about, others are much more difficult. I feel passionately enough about some things to accept the consequences, others… not so much. Plus, though I think good writing has to be fueled by passion– writing when that passion is driven primarily by anger is not necessarily a good thing. So I bite my tongue.
If there’s anything anyone would like to hear me write about– let me know! I’m always looking for topics.
To mark the occasion of my 50th post, I thought I’d share some of the statistics I’ve accumulated so far.
Number of Blog Visitors To Date: over 3,000
Number of Countries From Which Visitors View My Posts: 53
Top Five Countries Visiting (Beyond the US) : Canada, Germany, Spain, Netherlands, India
Number of Registered Blog Followers: 19
Busiest Day: January 13, 2012 – 223 Views
Total Comments: 54
Total Categories: 16
Total Tags: 254
Number of Shares: 201
Number of Attempted Spam: 444
Most referred links: Facebook
Most Read Post: HATE is alive and well in Bartlett, Illinois 345 (This probably isn’t an accurate number as the Home Page received 630 direct views.
I’d love to have more blog followers. I know a lot of people follow and read most of my posts through Facebook… but if you don’t want to risk missing one, sign up! This goes for comments too. Many people comment on the Facebook link but not on the blog itself. Don’t be afraid to comment here! You might have some insight that can help someone else that reads the blog! Speak up and Speak out!
Pizza Cheat Day
If you told me I had to pick only one thing to eat the rest of my life it would be pizza hands down. Thin, double crust, stuffed, New York or Chicago style, even frozen— it doesn’t matter, pizza is my favorite food. I can’t resist a hot steaming slice, dripping with melted cheese and loaded with spicy goodness. Well, at least until now.
Since Michael and I began our journey towards healthier living four months ago, we haven’t had pizza– not that pizza is bad for you– but it carries a lot of the carbs we are trying to avoid in our current stage of eating reform. This is where Cheat Day comes in. Cheat Day is something we invented when we were on a strict diet several years ago as a way of rewarding our progress and in an attempt to not get too bored with the dietary regime. It’s not a pig out day where it’s okay to eat everything in sight. It’s just an opportunity to eat something that doesn’t fit with the current plan.. a cheat. Of course, I realize now this is how I should always eat, making rich foods and desserts a luxury, not a staple.
Last May I bought a Groupon certificate for a local pizza joint, didn’t use it right away, started the low carb diet and found we were faced with the coupon expiration. So Michael suggested a cheat day (our first since June). I was working Monday night and when I got off, I drove across town in the pouring rain to pick up our order on the way home.
I’d been looking forward to this all day. I mean, it’s PIZZA! Mention it and my ears perk up like a dog hearing the words special treat.
So I called to place the order from my car, figuring it should be ready by the time I got there… and when I mentioned Groupon, like a sign from God (“Thou shalt NOT consume carbs in the form of pizza.“) — the drama started.
The restaurant wasn’t going to accept the Groupon.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. Apparently, Groupon routinely oversells, extends contracts and generally fails to completely inform its clients about the details of the services they provide. Anyway, in this case, the restaurant was under new management and I was told they would give me the same deal but I would have to pay for it and get a refund for the certificate from Groupon. This should have been a red flag… skip the cheat day and move on. But, since we’d already made this our plan for dinner, I agreed and placed the order.
I picked it up, they were very nice and apologetic and drove home. When I got there, Michael was just finishing blowing leaves– yes, in the dark and in the rain– and we were both starving. My mouth was watering from the aroma alone.
To make a long story even longer… I mean, short… the pizza was good. We filled up quickly, actually left a few slices… and then the pain set in. Going from less than 20 carbs a day to at least quadruple that amount in one sitting is not a great idea. I went to bed feeling bloated and sluggish regretting our decision.
I tossed and turned for a few hours and finally gave up on sleep. I got up, cleaned the kitchen, had an extremely engaging political discussion with a former student on Facebook and headed to the gym to work off my cheat meal.
Was it a good idea? In theory, yes; reality, no. I think next time I’ll go for a delicious, loaded salad. Perhaps my new favorite food.
My Weight Loss Update: 10/24/12:Started: End of June
Goal Date: Mid-December
Starting Weight: 245 lbs.
Goal Weight: 185 lbs. (which I haven’t been since my 20′s)
Current Weight (after 10 weeks): 197 lbs.
Total Weight Loss So Far: 48lbs.
Weight Left To Lose: 17 lbs.
A Walk In The Woods: A Fall Photo Essay
One of the things my Dad and I have in common is our love for the color changes in autumn. This year seems like an extraordinary year for fall foliage in Illinois, so I decided to take a walk with my camera and try to capture the magic. This is for you Dad.
All photos were shot October 9, 2012 with a Canon Powershot SX40, minor editing in iPhoto.
Property of Jeff Linamen.
Sharing Loss and Pain: No Words Can Express
A friend just had to say goodbye to her beloved pet. My cousin just lost his Mom and his dog in less than a year. Two years ago, I stood by as a family of a former student laid their daughter to rest and a co-worker buried her husband.
So much pain and grief.
I find myself without words.
I realize nothing I can possibly say will make it better. My words are not going to heal the pain or make it go away… and silence doesn’t help either– I hurt a friend deeply when I didn’t reach out– because I didn’t know what to say.
I am here.
It’s the best thing I can think of to tell someone. Maybe that’s all they need to hear– to know that you are thinking of them, that you stand with them, you’re there to listen and that you share their grief.
When I find myself confronted with someone’s loss, I get frustrated and angry that I don’t have the right words to express how I feel. No words can truly express the love, the sorrow, and the empathy– wanting to reach out but not clearly knowing the right way to do it. I have experienced loss in my life and I know that no one else can feel or has felt it the way I do. Sometimes it feels like people say things because they should, not because they understand. I cannot pretend to know exactly what someone else is feeling, which makes it so difficult to know what words to say.
I am here.
Nothing makes me angrier than to hear someone belittle someone else’s grief.
“Why are they so upset? It was only a pet.”
“They hardly knew them! Why are they so emotional?”
How dare anyone be so unkind and unfeeling! What right does anyone have to judge someone else’s grief?
Loss is Loss.
My animals are my children. Losing them is a traumatic experience. They are members of my family. Unfortunately, many people don’t understand that. They’ve either never had a pet, or never taken the time to bond with them in the way I do. But- some people do understand how real that loss can be and that it can be as, or even more devastating than the loss of a person.
A friend of mine, battling leukemia, said that she’s had people say things to her like– “Don’t worry, it will get better.” or, “You’ll be fine.” She told me how angry it makes her feel because it isn’t fine. It just isn’t.
So, what are the right words to say?
I wish I had the answer.
To all my friends, acquaintances and those that may be reading this that I have never met… I do feel your pain. When you grieve, I grieve with you. I just wish I knew the right words to say. The best I can think of is: I am here for you.
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