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No Day But Today
No Day But Today. My mantra, my watch cry… my inspiration. I even seriously considered getting it tattooed on my body. No other phrase inspires or moves me more.
We were watching the Idina Menzel Concert that was recorded for PBS last night and she sings a gorgeous rendition of it. I can’t really explain how it affect me besides making me teary, gives me chills, makes my heart pound and always gives me a feeling of renewed hope.
The music and lyrics come from the musical, RENT and are featured in the songs Another Day and Finale B. Before Menzel’s rendition, there was no song actually titled, No Day But Today. RENT was written by the amazing Jonathan Larson, whose own life emphasizes the lyrics. Larson died tragically, the night of the final dress rehearsal prior to the off-Broadway opening of his show. He suffered an aortic aneurysm and never saw the huge success his creation would become. He never lived to receive his Tony Awards or see his show run over ten years on Broadway, become a movie, or tour the world. Luckily, one day he penned the music and lyrics. If he’d waited, it might have been too late. No Day But Today.
Idina Menzel- No Day But Today Video Link
Music & Lyrics by Jonathan Larson
There’s only us
There’s only this
Forget regret– or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today
There’s only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what is right
No other course
No other way
No day but today
I can’t control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be
There’s only now
There’s only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
No day but today.
Today’s Pic of the Day: My cast from the 2009 Introspect Theatre production of Jonathan Larson’s RENT.
Bucket List or Wish List?
Do you have a bucket list? What things do want to do, try or accomplish before you die? I know there are a lot of people that have such a list. I don’t really have one. Instead of a bucket list, I have a wish list.
I think anything that you do to help create a plan or focus for your life is a good thing. Even resolutions– as long as you aren’t setting yourself up for failure. I put dreams in a different category. A dream job or dream relationship can happen.. but they also rely on the participation of other people. Getting hired or creating your dream job can easily turn into a nightmare if you are working with the wrong combination of people. This is out of your control.
So, I decided to share some of my wishes. Wishes can come true under the right circumstances. Some of my wishes I can easily attain and others I can’t control.
My Wish List (in no particular order)
1) I wish I had more time to read and write. I’m trying to do more of both (writing this blog and reading with my Kindle Fire) but there is never enough time.
2) I wish money didn’t matter. I don’t need to be rich, I just wish there was enough so decisions didn’t have to depend on it.
3) I wish my babies: Cash, Roxie and Collins could live forever. I hardly ever refer to them as pets, they are my family.
4) I wish I lived in New York City. I wish I could do what I am doing now, in some variation, just in my favorite city. Michael’s involvement running the family business makes this impossible right now, plus it would mean giving up our amazing (and frustrating) 123 year old house.
5) I wish I was a better partner and friend. I wish I always knew the right things to do and say in every situation.
6) I wish I could help parents understand their kids and kids to understand their parents.
7) I wish my family and friends, scattered around the country, all lived closer.
8) I wish I lived in a world free of hate, judgement and fear.
9) I wish I lived in a world free of tyrannical government control… run by dishonest people whose only real welfare concern is their own.
10) I wish I had to the time and ability to help more young people realize their true potential and motivate them to be the best they can be.
What’s on your list?
Today’s Pic of the Day: My babies, 5am.
How Far Is Too Far?
Most people that really know me, realize I have few filters when it comes to speaking my mind. Not that I would ever intend to be rude or offend anyone or share their secrets… I just believe in saying it like it is. Yes, sometimes I’ll express an opinion or share information and then wonder afterwards if I did the right thing. In the long run, I just prefer to get things out in the open and hope the information might lead to a better understanding or resolution. So my question is, “How far is too far?”
Immediately after I published my last blog post, my partner, Michael said, “Are you going to get fired for that?” I didn’t name any names or place blame on anyone, so that never even crossed my mind. The fact is, IF that were a possibility, I’d be better off not being there any longer anyway, right?
In business and education, everyone works under a veil of fear. You learn NEVER put anything in writing you might not want shared with the entire world; and never share anything you can’t back up or defend. So there’s always this looming secrecy surrounding certain subjects or projects that keeps you from being effective.
When people share their insecurities or frustrations regarding a subject or a relationship– I often find myself trying to help resolve it. Why else would someone share that information? If they just want to complain, then I’m the wrong person to tell. Maybe misery loves company, but if you tell me, I’m going to try to fix it if the opportunity arises.
Ignorance is NOT bliss. Moving blindly through life, unable to make progress because you are being kept in the dark is not a good way to live. Problems need to be addresses and sometimes just getting them out in the open can bring unexpected solutions from resources you didn’t think to consider.
Many times I’ve heard people say, “If I’d known that….”, but they didn’t. So, a potential solution may have been lost. So, how far is too far?
I think if someone shares information with you and you are in a position to make a change or influence a choice, it’s your duty to speak up. Where I get in trouble the most is that my tone of voice sometimes insinuates a know-it-all attitude that offends or hurts someones feelings. My passion for getting involved and excitement when talking about it has been translated as yelling or anger. In those situations, all I can say is– then I guess you really don’t know me. OR, often I haven’t been given the whole story so the person takes it personally.
If two friends aren’t speaking because of a misunderstanding, do you sit idling by and watch it happen? If you know a project someone is working on has already been canned, do you watch them spend countless hours on it without telling them? If you know there is a theft problem that is quietly being investigated, do you let people leave their belongings out where they can be taken? If a friend or colleague is about to make the biggest mistake of their life, do you say something?
How far is too far?
Update on my last blog:
First, I want to thank everyone for their concern, outrage and support over the incident at school. I was able to gather some information to report to my superiors and also provide some possible solutions. I’ve received quite a bit of staff support and expressions of frustration in the matter and hope the right steps will be taken to prevent further activities like this from happening in the future.
Today’s Pic of the Day: The Fly Rail. Looking up at the fly rail, backstage in my auditorium.
HATE is alive and well in Bartlett, Illinois
I’m so furious right now I can barely see straight.
I have to back up a bit. As the Auditorium Manager at Bartlett High School, I have the never ending battle of keeping the auditorium secure. It’s supposed to be maintenance’s responsibility… backed up by our school’s dean’s assistants. With all the cut backs, man power is low and things like security have been left to suffer. At one point in my career at BHS, the auditorium was not allowed to be used if I was not present. Because it is used so much between 7 am and 11 pm and there is no money for overtime, I am only allowed 40 hours, much of which is spent either setting up events or running sound and lights for them. There are a lot of meetings that take place needing no direct technical help, mostly during the day. The auditorium is supposed to be locked up until it is used and then locked immediately after. So guess what is left unlocked all the time?
A few months ago, maintenance moved some rolling units out of my secure shop area and left them backstage. As a result, I had three 50’s style microphones stolen before I was aware the items had been left in the less-secure backstage. This past Monday, I came in and found things not as they should be, but the doors were locked. On Wednesday, I found out it was because a dean’s assistant found eight students smoking in the costume loft backstage.
Today topped it all. Someone must have found an unlocked door, found a can of spray paint and painted the N-word in huge letters across a four foot by eight foot set piece backstage.
Think hate doesn’t exist? Think again.
Today’s Pic of the Day: Snow finally hits the burbs of Chicago. (It was 53 degrees yesterday.)
Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!
Why is it so difficult to communicate with each other? Is it because we are too busy to listen? Are we unable, as intelligent human beings, to express ourselves, listen, process and respond?
As people, we refer to ourselves as superior beings. What makes us superior, is our ability to think and communicate. Why is it then, that sometimes I think my dogs are better communicators than most people? I almost always know exactly what my dogs want from me. Why? Because they ask or tell me what they want. If they don’t like something, they as usually pretty good at communicating that as well.
It amuses me how we hold ourselves and our intelligence in such high regards yet we are unable to talk to one another and comprehend what the other is saying. I just plugged in the word communication on the Amazon website and it comes back with 261,780 books in the search results. Is there really a need for that many books on the subject? Is it really that difficult? If it is, why are there no required courses in the subject in our public schools?
Here are some of my observations:
1) First, people are often afraid to openly communicate their feelings or needs. Often because they fear the response.
2) People don’t listen. Whether they are distracted by other things or trying to think about what they want to say, they aren’t listening and hearing the other person.
3) The most common response to a question or need, particularly in business is, “I’ll have to think about that.” or “I’ll look in to that and get back to you.” Then the conversation can be halted and no discussion or response is given. End result? No solution or resolution and added frustration on the part of the person asking the question.
4) Often, people are unwilling to listen or address your issues because their plate is full of their own. This is especially problematic when you are required to report to some above you and any decisions require their approval. This also happens in relationships, unfortunately, where one is allowed more power or control.
5) Nonverbal communication is often more important than the actual words. Eye contact and body language are usually better at telling the real story.
6) Be willing to ignore the tone. I’ve experience more frustrating conversations resulting in misunderstandings from placing too much importance in the tone of someone’s voice. A person’s tone isn’t always directed at you even though it feels that way. A person could be frustrated by the situation, their own inability to provide a solution, or something entirely unrelated to the conversation itself.
7) Written communication has vastly changed. Email, texting and online messaging are not the same as a formal letter or memo that have pretty much become a thing of the past. In an attempt to be brief, details are often omitted that need clarification. Again, tone may need to be overlooked. Your state of mind and that of the author may be totally different, allowing the reader to misinterpret the content. Not sure? Ask questions. Communicate.
One thing I’ve made a habit of doing is repeating myself multiple times, in different ways, anytime I think I could possibly be misunderstood. I also try to repeat the person’s response back to them for clarity. Again, listening skills are so important.
We are all unique individuals that talk and think differently. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to truly communicate effectively. When presenting a problem or issue to someone, it always helps to also have a solution to present as well. No one likes to listen to people complain all the time. Presenting possible solutions encourages discussion and ultimately a positive outcome.
Today’s Pic of the Day: Ken G. in my play, September’s Heroes. Ken is an extraordinary young actor, leader and model student. He is up for a scholarship that you can help him win! I’ll post the link below the photo.
You can vote for Ken’s essay at: http://www.wyzant.com/scholarships/v2/essay34795-Carol_Stream-IL.aspx
On that page, all you have to do is click the “VOTE” box. With your help, he could be awarded a scholarship of $2,000 to $5,000 for college.
It’s a Dirty Job…
I hate cleaning. Vacuuming, mopping, dusting, polishing, washing, straightening, organizing, wiping, sanitizing…did I mention I hate cleaning?!?
I have to admit… I can either ignore it, or be completely obsessed with it. No in between.
Owning and living in a large 123 year old house with two big dogs and a cat certainly doesn’t make the job any easier. Even when I’m in my obsessed stage, I always seem to find a paw print or cobweb I missed. And what about that pesky mirror or window smudge that will not go away?
When I’m trying to ignore it, I rationalize that it’s just going to get dirty again, right?
I often find myself putting off projects, especially after I’ve cleaned, because I don’t want to clean up the mess.
It’s a different world from what I grew up in. My mother always kept an immaculate house. (At least that’s how I remember it.) I remember helping with the household chores at an early age. (What kid doesn’t like pushing a vacuum?) As we got older, we had our assigned chores that we did regularly and the house was always clean. I never remember dusting the furniture and seeing any actual dust; or emptying anything out of the vacuum cleaner. Mirrors, windows and pictures always looked clean but we cleaned them again anyway. Yes, it was a different world.
I think the world is dirtier– or Illinois is dirtier than Florida? I know I don’t have better eyesight! In either case, it’s a constant battle to win the war on cleanliness. I guarantee you, if I shampoo the carpets… it promises to rain so my dogs can track mud in on the clean floors. It never fails.
Today’s Pic of the Day: My cleaning/organizing project.
Creating Illusions
In a few hours we’ll begin our first read through of the script, Ragtime, our spring musical, at school. I spent most of the morning getting copies of a character development sheet ready to pass out to the students. The long rehearsal process begins!
I also spent time outside taking down Christmas lights, using this unseasonably warm weather to my advantage.
What do these two activities have in common?
They made me think about how much of our lives we spend creating illusions.
Whether we are decorating for the holidays, or daily life… landscaping, painting the interior or exterior of our homes, we are in affect creating an illusion. Without plantings, color and furnishings we basically have a relatively plain, hollow shell.
In preparation for performance, actors develop characters– their look, how they talk, move and appear to the audience. By carefully manipulating their behavior and appearance, actors can completely become someone else.
How much time do we spend creating these same illusions in real life?
We all live our lives as actors creating illusions. We may want to appear smarter, or richer, or younger, or older. We try to adjust our look in a way that will appeal to others in certain situations. In some cases, we may want to appear sick or tired or unattractive.. but it’s still an illusion. It’s only when we strip off the make up, the clothing, let our hair down and stop trying to be something else –that our true selves are evident.
In the end, don’t we really want people to just accept us for who we are underneath the disguise?
The true reality is that without the costuming and pageantry, most of us would be completely overlooked. Society expects certain efforts towards appearance. Success doesn’t come to most without great efforts of visual transformations.
I say, the most successful people are those that can see beyond the illusion and measure the person hidden underneath by their inner beauty.
In the end, that’s all that is all that we really have.
Today’s Pic of the Day: Down comes Christmas. Just the beginning of the process.
Journey of Life
Do you ever think about how you got to the place where you are now? Location, career, relationships, satisfaction, fulfillment… How did you get here?
When we’re young, we have dreams and aspirations– usually grand– of a future full of fame and fortune. That’s the American Dream, right? We set out to mark a path from Point A to Point B, seldom consciously realistic about the many obstacles that are sure to present roadblocks along the way.
One thing I try to tell the students at school, particularly the ones that want to go into the performing arts, is that it’s about the journey. It doesn’t matter where you end up, as long as you do your best, follow your heart and enjoy the path along the way.
I believe wherever we are, whatever we experience and wherever we end up– is exactly where we are supposed to be.
I’ve spoken with several former students that expressed regret that their paths changed course– as if they let me down, or were a disappointment. My only question to them is: “Are you happy?” That’s all that really matters, isn’t it? For most, they’ve only started their journey. At the age of 49, I feel my journey is far from complete. It’s so much more than just location or career or family and friends. It’s about the whole of who we were, who we are and who we will be.
I never had a clear path or grand plan for my life, so perhaps in some ways the road has been easier to travel. I think people with too many specific notions or desires for a successful life are the ones that have the most difficult time finding fulfillment. I believe you have to be willing to take a different path, endure the many bumps in the road and not be afraid of the detours.
I also believe education is a tool, not a solution. We should all be lifelong learners. I know more people that are happily successful in areas that did not require a specific path of higher learning, or ended up finding themselves successfully content outside their field of study. To get there, they still had to learn and acquire the necessary skills and experience to allow for their success.
The growing number of unmotivated college graduates frightens me. I’ve seen so many students float through school, move back home and do nothing, if their parents let them. In many ways, I think the generations since the baby boomers have done their children a disservice by giving them everything. In doing so, they’ve created ungrateful, unmotivated young adults with no comprehension of what it takes to achieve success. Life has been too easy for them. Parents who should be empty nesters, moving on to a new phase in their lives, find themselves continuing to support their children far in to adulthood.
Children need to take a trip. They need to be taught how to work, use their imagination and discover a world of their own. When children are given everything they want, how do they ever learn what they really need? More important, how will they learn to survive?
I see a generation of unemployed college graduates, whose parents gave up so much to give them everything. Somehow, the children were lost along the way.
It’s a lost generation, stuck at an intersection, with no value or understanding of the journey. So they sit… looking left, looking right, looking back… without the ability to make any decisions and follow the path ahead.
We have to help them find their way.
Yesterday’s Pic of the Day: I decided to take advantage of the nice weather and started taking down my Christmas lights, only to discover the pesky squirrels had already started. So much for LED lights that were supposed to last 10 to 15 years!
Today’s Pic of the Day: Full Moon 5:30 AM. Both pictures were taken with my new Canon S95. (Thanks Dad!)
The Power of Dreams
I debated about whether to write about this but here it goes…
I woke up this morning from one of my dreaded dreams… in it I was outside with my Boxers, Cash and Roxie. We were by
Cash & Roxie as puppies.
the side porch and Cash had a stroke and rolled over on his side with Roxie standing looking on. This is not an unusual dream for me. I dream about them a lot. The most frequent dream is that they are outside and the gate is standing open. Nothing ever happens in these dreams… just my unconscious voicing my inner fears. Cash and Roxie are 8 years old which is getting up there in years, for larger breeds. They are such an important part of my life I worry about them constantly.
So I lay there this morning, Cash snoring and snuggling my side and I just hugged him… petted him and scratched behind his ears, giving him a kiss before I got up.
I used to be really interested in dream interpretation until I realized most of it is a bunch of malarkey. Aside from a few reoccurring nonsensical dreams, most of the ones I remember deal with unresolved issues I’ve struggled with; or often people that were mentioned in conversation the previous day. Sometimes I’ll dream about someone or something from my forgotten past and I’ll spend hours trying to figure out what prompted it.
I’ve found some of my dreams are rather disturbing and others make me happy or peaceful. I’ve actually caught myself waking up, laughing out loud in/at my dreams.
So, two questions:
1) Do you dream in color or black and white? Supposedly, most people dream in black and white but I dream in color. When you ask that question, most people have to really stop and think about it. I found most of the artistic people I’ve asked, dream in color.
2) Have you ever died in your dreams, or has anyone else (or thing) died in your dreams? I never have. I’ve had falling dreams, dreams where I’ve faked my death or I’m at my own funeral listening to what people say about me… I’ve dreamed about people about to die or after they died… but never actual death. I’m not sure whether it’s an urban legend or what– but supposedly if we were to actually die in our dreams, we’d really die.
I’ve had some really crazy dreams over the years. Many dealing with the theatre and crazy impossible situations with combinations of people who have never met. But two reoccurring dreams stand out.
In the first, I’m either graduating from college, or finding out I never graduated from college (24 years ago) because of my Spanish grade. To this day, I believe my last semester Spanish teacher gave me a passing grade so I could graduate. (But I swear that woman had it out for me.) I think I’ve continued to have that dream because Spanish is something I’ve never conquered. I’ve considered buying one of those language programs to teach myself. Here I’ve been to Mexico twice and run in to Spanish-speaking people on a daily basis… I should really be able to speak it. Maybe if I did, that dream would go away.
The other most vivid reoccurring dream involves my maternal Grandma. In the dreams, we are having some sort of present day family gathering and she’s just there. Everyone is acting like everything is perfectly normal except Grandma is there. I had this dream over and over for many years. At one point, it would really upset me. I would ask my Mom (in my dream), “How is Grandma here and nobody thinks its strange?” I usually woke up before I got an answer.
After a few dreams and attempts to analyze it, I stopped asking the question and just enjoyed the dream, everyone together– one big happy family. It was never an upsetting dream but it did become a very peaceful dream. One that I noticed I often had when I was under a lot of real-life stress.
My Grandma passed away, unexpectedly, during my senior year of college in 1988. She was in the hospital for routine surgery, I was home for spring break– and I didn’t go to see her. I talked to her briefly on the phone, but I was too selfish with my time and didn’t go. No sooner had I gotten back to school when I got the call.
I carried that guilt of not going to see her– with me for a lot of years.
I always felt she was my guardian angel, watching over me during some really tough times in my 20’s. The dream always seemed to reinforce that she was with me.
When I was finally at a point that I was able to forgive my selfishness and stop beating myself up for not going to see her.. the dreams stopped.
I miss her… and I really miss that dream.
Today’s Pic of the Day: Thank goodness they marked it FRAGILE! With all the hubbub over the Post Office raising rates and cutting back services… I found the condition of this box from Kohl’s pretty amusing. Thankfully, there was nothing breakable inside!
Because I Knew You…
Through social networking, I’ve been able to reconnect with many people that played an important role in helping me evolve into who I am today… and a few that I’ve been able to influence along the way. My high school drama teacher, band director, the head of the theatre company where I first got my feet wet… they, along with many others, had a huge influence on my life.
I was reminiscing over old photographs I had uploaded to Facebook with a former colleague and realized what a huge influence he had been on me. In 1982, just a year out of high school, I was fortunate to be a part of a magical production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Alan played Jesus and I played Peter. Another actor in the show, Gene, playing King Herod, and would one year later write a musical on which we’d collaborate. One of my lifelong best friendships grew out of that production too… Melissa played Mary.
Alan, was and is, a brilliant set designer and great actor. In recent years, he has brought life and success back to a small theatre company that struggled for years to survive. Techniques I learned from Alan, mostly by observing, are evident in many of my set designs to this day. He didn’t set out to influence me but had a profound affect on my life.
Gene is a singer/songwriter with a bigger than life personality. When I was directing West Side Story (based on Romeo and Juliet), he and I somehow came to the conclusion he had to write a rock version of R & J. He would tell you it was a bet. Within a few months, we were in production for Starcross, written by Gene and I directed. Alan agreed to play Tybalt, initially giving me my first “I am not worthy” moment. I felt so inadequate to direct him… until we actually started working and he quickly put me at easy. Keep in mind, I was only 20 at the time. It was a great experience and I have repeatedly tried to get Gene to rework the show so I could produce it again. Gene is an inspiration to everyone he meets. I can’t even begin to list all the ways his influence has inspired me.
Melissa is my soul mate. She’s a little bit older than me and was the first person to make me feel grown up. We’ve been terrible about keeping in touch but manage to get together every couple years. She and I shared some of the darkest moments in our lives. No matter what, we’ve always known that the other is just a phone call away. We even had a pact years ago, that if we were both single by the age of 30, we would get married (in spite of the obvious complications). That never happened. To this day, she remains one of my dearest friends.
All three had a tremendous impact on my life and influenced me in different ways. There have been many, many people– most that would never know it, who helped me discover who I am.
I would never take credit for another person’s success but I take great joy in hearing from people I’ve somehow influenced over the years. A few years ago, I reconnected with someone I had directed in several shows when they were younger. Hearing from him, that I was a positive influence on his career path meant the world to me. It was unexpected, but told me I must be doing something right. By the way, that young man is now a composer, manages a growing musicians’ website and just recent conducted his first Broadway show. If I played some very small part in that… I am humbled.
We never really know who or how we can potentially influence people. It’s those positive influences that set us on a course for success. Who am I kidding? The negative influences play a huge part in our evolution as well. Today I just try to be as supportive as I can to anyone seeking guidance (and some that aren’t). The feeling that I can make a difference, has kept me where I am for the past 13 years.
It’s because of who I knew… that I am who and where I am today.
Maybe we can’t change the world…but with a little effort, some encouragement… maybe just a little kindness… we might just influence the people that can.
Today’s Pic of the Day: If you never really understood why pipes break when they freeze… here’s an example of how water contracts and expands as it freezes.
How Do You Measure 525600 Minutes? 