Over the Hump: Turning 51
Last year I celebrated my 50th birthday, December 29th– at 12:01 am (my official birth time), in my favorite city in the world: New York– standing in Times Square. This year, the moment was spent snuggled in bed with my babies, Cash and Roxie. Two vastly different scenarios but both equally appealing and memorable.
I can’t say I’ve looked forward to this birthday the way I did the last but I haven’t dreaded it either. Turning 50 was magical. Why does turning 51 feel like it just sounds so much older? I’m now officially over the half-century hump.
I’ve always said age is just a number and it’s more about how old you feel. Better put: it’s how old you act. Measured that way, I must seem pretty schizophrenic to some people. Believe me, the old adage, act your age means very little to me. Acting your age assumes that you know how someone in your shoes should act. How can you actually know that, if you haven’t already experienced it?
I think society still expects that once you reach a certain age, there are certain behaviors that should be adopted to exhibit a perceived level of maturity. As our population ages and life expectancy increases, some of those presumptions are also changing. Nevertheless, I’d prefer to be referred to as an old, crazy, creative guy than someone that acts their age. Being 50-plus may not be considered old anymore but I think it’s still considered something worse by the younger generation: boring. I hope I never fall into that category.
I’m pretty lucky. Most of the people I know– my age and older are active, adventurous mold breakers. In their seventies, my parents are extremely active and constantly on the go. One of my friends that just retired has basically traveled the world, non-stop this past year. So I have some great examples going forward.
I’ve had plenty of time to reflect and to reevaluate my ambitions over this past year. What is clear, is that there are still so many things I want to accomplish, places I want to visit and things I want to experience in this short lifetime. I want to leave my mark, my thumbprint on the world– in some way, making it a better place. I’m still not sure how I accomplish that. Whether it be through my writing, some action, or some impact through connecting with others… I guess only time will tell.
My fiftieth year was in many ways a difficult one. A big year for change. At the same time, it was year full of affirmations. So even though I may be over the half-century hump–it’s certainly not all downhill from here. Onward, upward… so much to do, to see… to create. There are many new adventures ahead.
Live life, love those around you… and above all else: Be Yourself!
Workplace Survival: 12 Rules To Protect Yourself
I finally broke down this morning and filed for unemployment. It’s been three months since I was notified that my contract would not be renewed and I had hoped I would have secured a new job by now. I have some good prospects but for now, the search goes on.
I promised in an earlier blog to talk a little bit about what led up to my release. I’ve waited until now because I didn’t want my words to be fueled by hurt or anger. I finally decided I would rather do it in a positive way and give some advice that might help others who find themselves in similar situations.
Here are my 12 suggestions that might help you survive in the workplace:
Rule #1 Don’t be too good at your job or know too much.
Rule #2 When a superior says, “Don’t Worry” — watch out.
Rule #3 Climbers don’t look down. They don’t have time for you.
Rule #4 Open Door policies can get one slammed in your face.
Rule #5 Keep records and be able to account for everything.
Rule #6 Never feel that your job is secure.
Rule #7 Change isn’t always good but don’t fight it.
Rule #8 Learn to deal with incompetence.
Rule #9 Don’t expect to be treated fairly. Even good people behave badly.
Rule #10 Right doesn’t always win.
Rule #11 Don’t expect rewards for loyalty.
Rule #12 Rules (and policies) are made to be broken (and will be).
Bonus– Rule #13 Work to live, don’t live to work.
Holding a job and being successful at it, isn’t about showing up on time and doing what is expected of you. It’s not about your education or knowledge and expertise. It’s not about your dedication or going the extra mile. Those are all givens. To be successful, you have to be constantly aware of two things: company politics and money. You have to keep your eyes open and your ears to the ground if you want stay aware of what’s really going on behind the scenes.
You, as an employee, are expendable. Simple as that. What makes you important is how you fit into the political and social climate of the workplace and what impact you have on the bottom line.
— I’ll address and explain this set of rules, my experiences and their importance in future blog posts.
Today I do want to explore my Bonus Rule– and I know you’ve heard it before:
RULE #13 WORK TO LIVE, DON’T LIVE TO WORK
It sounds simple enough and yet it is probably the hardest rule to follow. I have always struggled with this, even with jobs that weren’t necessarily in my main field of interest. It is too easy for many of us, to become so vested in our jobs that it’s hard to let it go when we punch out at the end of the day. Unless you own your own business– and even then, you have prioritize what is really important– living a good life and hopefully, sharing it with other people.
Why do we work? To pay bills, provide for families, plan for the future… to live.
Remember that the business doesn’t care about you. Unfortunately, in many cases, neither do employers. You may think they do– but if you step back and look at it clearly, you’ll realize you are there to perform a specific function. You are only one small ingredient in the recipe of success. Being responsible and taking ownership in your job is a wonderful thing. You have to learn to set limits. This is especially difficult when you are doing something you love. When work becomes the only thing, it’s probably time to move on.
I personally have lost years of friendships, family gathering and missed opportunities to experience and enjoy life– either from the necessities of the jobs I’ve held, or by my own drive. You can’t buy back that time.
You may find it necessary to put work first— but at what cost?
That is the most important question.
I Am the Captain of My Soul
I was having a conversation with my parents today that bounced from life to travel and politics to education. We don’t talk on the phone often but when we do, we’re usually all over the map as we catch up and try to solve all the world’s problems. After I hung up (Do we still say that with cell phones?), this phrase popped in my head:
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
My fourth grade teacher, Mr. Hill made my class learn the whole poem and recite it, day after day, in class until we all had it memorized and could repeat it by memory on our own. It was the first thing I can recall being asked to memorize and I spent hours at home reciting it from the tattered mimeographed page we’d been given.
Before I looked it up, besides the above phrase, all I could remember was something about a gate and the line, ‘black as the pit from pole to pole’. I’m not even sure I ever knew the title of the poem until now. I just remember Mr. Hill telling us we should live our lives by this. That, we were in charge of our lives and responsible for how we lived.
Mr. Hill was a big, strong African American man teaching elementary school in Florida in the 1970s. I’m sure that, in itself, had its challenges. His larger-than-life presence was enough to scare us at that age and he was the only male teacher I had until middle school. He was both nurturing and warm but he had the ability to scare the bejesus out of you with his intensity. He was also one of the best teachers I had in all my years of public schooling.
I remember he loved math. He taught us well — not to memorize numbers and equations but to understand how and why the equations worked. He made us all feel, no matter how much we struggled, that we could all learn. We were all individuals and our feelings and our experiences mattered. He never treated us like a bunch of bothersome kids he was stuck with for an entire year.
Mr. Hill taught us our subjects and he also related them to life. Which bring me back to the poem.
The poem is William Ernest Hensley’s Invictus. As it turns out, it is not only considered to be one of the best poems ever written by many, it is also considered highly controversial in some circles.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.— William Ernest Hensley
Choosing that poem for fourth graders, is pretty extraordinary by today’s standards. Even though I didn’t understand the whole poem then as I am able to do today, I did understand that last phrase. It has popped into my thoughts repeatedly throughout my life.
Today, we undervalue the importance of true learning in the classroom. Students aren’t taught how to think. We undervalue great teachers that go beyond the rigid curriculum to teach students morals and responsibility. Most of them are gone now.
Today we simply medicate unruly kids that need focus and guidance. We discourage the question why — or any original thought. Individuality is frowned upon. Just do it has replaced how and why we do it. We aren’t relating studies to real life. We definitely aren’t nurturing life-long learners.
That’s not education.
I guess I was lucky.





































































